1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
