Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
