I'm jealous of your bromance
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
