I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
