people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize