Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
