super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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