Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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