i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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