just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
