You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
