Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
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