it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
My balls are so social today.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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