She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
