I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize