She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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