i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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