omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
