i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
