is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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