Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
