Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
