Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
