So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
so explain again why im purple
no
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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