sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Randomize
