____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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