the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
