she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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