What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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