May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize