I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
