I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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