I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
