I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
