sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
