her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
