you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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