Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
