Your mouth is God's brothel.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
