Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
