Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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