I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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