dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
