Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
