Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
