you guys were way drunker than both of me
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
