You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
