too bad you live with your parents still
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
