I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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