Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
