I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
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