He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
