I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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