My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
