No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
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