weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
