Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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