he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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