I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize