so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
