What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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