Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
