I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
