But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
