we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
