I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
