It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
