if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
