Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
