I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
