I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
