it wasn't lemon gatorade
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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