he wants to bone in the snuggie
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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