Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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