drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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