My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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