Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
