Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
