david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
