Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
